i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
