4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
