i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
