Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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