i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
