I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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