does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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