i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
