There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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