you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
