i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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