I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
