Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
