Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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