just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
