It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
