hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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