we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
