And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
