So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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