Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
