walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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