Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
