I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
