brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
