I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
