threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
