Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
