oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he puts the penis in happiness.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
