yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
