She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
