can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
