Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
