How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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