They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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