Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
