walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
