Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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