Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
