well I can't set my house on fire every night
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i love accidental penises.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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