In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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