My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
