Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
