my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I need to calm my uterus...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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