I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
