No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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