You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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