We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
the raccoons are back...
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