Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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