Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
