You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
