Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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