sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
sex in a hospital.. check
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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