On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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