it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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