I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
