I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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